remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
