I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
