Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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