Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
