Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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