Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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