Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
