This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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