Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Drunk is a universal language darling
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
