I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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