I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
