so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
