he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
