I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
In America we eat man semen.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
