Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
