that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
