Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
