i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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