I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
