You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
