You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I wear drunk well.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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