Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We had to coat check the pizza.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
