guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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