she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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