bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
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