oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
