It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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