Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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