weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
