Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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