She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
