just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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