theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
