Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
