I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
