I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
