I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
