Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
