Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
