I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
