Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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