Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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