Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
