So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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