He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
