That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
