I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
