is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
