can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
