I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
