You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
