i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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